Sometimes life changes to the unexpected. The one thing we always work around to not happening.
Efforts are wasted because in the end, there is no way to change how the things are. Things are not the way I want them to. And some days I am angry, cranky and sad about it all.
And other times I don't know how it all works out. It does anyway in the end.
Then I look at my perfect little boy and feel like every dream I gave up on was worth it. Nothing matters because we are happy in the end. It's tough, though to see this tiny blessing of life, when it feels like a lot of things around me burst into supernova hell.
The flat is messy and I hate it. I am kind of struggleing with the stuff I keep on piling up and don't need it anyway. But I can't let go. Not yet.
Maybe one day when I see that it is no use to me anymore.
My soul feels messy too, because there is always a duck in the row acting up. No way to shush them all and keep them into a neat clear row. I know better times, cleaner, happier times will come.
But for now I have to work through a move (again! ugh), raising a baby on the go and in between moving boxes, applying for jobs and the other crummy stuff that resides in my soul whom I have no intention yet to let go off, though it would be much better to.
I hope life is kind to you and you embrace autumn :)